The Cash God

Tag: fantasy football

NFL Championship Sunday DFS Preview: Skeleton Key Perine and the Chase Fade

I kept it fucking rolling last week until Saturday night at around 1am when I degen-entered the Sunday-only slate. I still ended up with a good week despite losing every single entry on the Sunday-only slate. Another 2 game slate this weekend with only 4 teams left. It’s more important than ever to really pick…

January 27, 2023
Wild Card Sunday NFL DFS Special: Barkley, Hodgins and the Thielen Curtain Call

DraftKings had a few options this weekend, but they didn’t make it a 6-game slate, or even a 5-game Saturday-Sunday slate. The good news with that is that we have more shots on goal. The bad news is that I *could* be losing 3 times as much money this weekend. Or maybe I take my…

January 14, 2023
Week 17 NFL DFS Main Slate Preview: Etienne and the Pendulum

I was coming off one of my worst DFS Sundays of the season on Monday. I then sit back to watch the Colts-Chargers game with two season-long teams needing about 5 points out of Dick Folds to advance. I was relaxed. What Folds do? He proceeds to gurgle his own dick like it’s the last…

December 30, 2022
Week 16 NFL DFS Main Slate Preview: Cook and the Game Stack

I’m coming off one of the worst weeks I’ve ever had. DraftKings and/or Fantasy Labs owes me around $1.1 million for not allowing me to upload my set of lineups. I don’t know how else to say it. I then was knocked out of all best ball tournaments on Monday Night while watching my Rodgers…

December 22, 2022
Week 15 NFL Main Slate DFS Preview: Big Mike and the Curtain Call

Last week was somehow my best week of the year. No massive wins, but finally some nice profit. I dodged some of the bad chalk and ended up with a lot of Evan Engram on his dicks out game of the year. I was stoking that volcano with dollars pretty much every week of the…

December 16, 2022
Week 14 Preview: Sanders and the Bad Stack

There is nothing worse than going into a week thinking you read the slate like a book only to see an absolute 0 at the end of the day. We finally had some good games and I performed a dick-gurgling routine on myself with Lawrence, Mahomes, and Herbert. I’m not sure how many times I…

December 9, 2022
Week 12 NFL DFS Preview: Hide the Cameraman

After getting almost last on Monday after the Rondale Moore injury, it became worse on Thursday. Pollard was fucking terrible and I ended up with a few too many double Bills RB. That alone should be enough to automatically deactivate my DraftKings account. I had no faith in the Kirk stacks without Darrisaw and against…

November 25, 2022
Thanksgiving Day Slate NFL DFS Preview: Jared Goes Diggs Out

Maybe this goes without saying, but I got completely fucked by the Rondale Moore injury on Monday and my night was over on what was pretty much the first play. I could hardly watch the game. Good thing we have a short week and a 3-game slate on Thursday. While everyone gurgles down turkey I’ll…

November 23, 2022
Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Saquon and the Well

It’s been a terrible two-week stretch. This time it wasn’t the chalk hitting, it was Joe fucking Mixon. The only thing more tilting than chalk variance is a running back averaging about 3 yards per carry randomly rushing for 150 and 5 TDs. It didn’t matter how many of my lineups contained Cameraman Pusher, I…

November 11, 2022
Week 8 NFL DFS Preview: Hopkins and an Unrelenting Hill

I already lamented over the paint job to the face I received from the slate last week in the Monday Night Preview article. Josh Jacobs‘ chalk hitting, DK Metcalf‘s injury, and the Falcons’ egregious pass rate did me in. How the fuck did Atlanta only throw the ball 13 times? My only solution is that…

October 28, 2022