The Cash God

Tag: fantasy golf

John Deere Classic Preview: The Grand Slam Breakfast

I’m back after recovering from what was an absolute fucking disaster at the U.S. Open. I cashed 0 of my lineups as Homa missed the cut and the rest of my plays gurgled their own fucking dicks for 36-72 holes. I’m still so tilted. Good thing this John Deere Classic field isn’t one of the…

July 5, 2023
THE PLAYERS Championship Preview: Will the Thrill and the Cycle of Hits

Last week was a complete abomination. Here I was whipping my dick out and swinging it around after I see Rahm’s first round. Little did I know he would proceed to shit bricks for the rest of the tourney. My lineup was already dead when Byeong An withdrew with what they are describing as a…

March 8, 2023
Arnold Palmer Invitational Preview: Fitzmagic and The Year of Rahm

I had my 3rd 6/6 single entry on the year last week. I ended up with Lowry, Pendick, Vegas, Jaegerbombs, S. Kim, and Hicock. I got lucky and dodged the Denny dick gurgling because I couldn’t fit him in with Pendick and Lowry, but liked him as a play going into the tournament. Kim had…

March 1, 2023
Genesis Invitational Preview: Bigdicki and the Well Water

I stopped looking at my lineup after the cut last week after having 4 players miss the cut. How the fuck is that even possible? It turns out variance does swing like a pendulum. Shane the fucking brain was a complete failure. Fleetwood, Jizzer, and Posten also inexplicably missed the cut. All in all, it…

February 15, 2023
AT&T Pebble Beach Pro-Am Preview: Spieth and I Head to Denny’s

Last week Robby Shelton birdied 18 to deliver my second 6/6 single entry of the year. I had absolutely 0 faith in it. Woodcock butchered half of the course and Cock Palmer forgot how to play golf on day 4. I still profited because of Homa’s win, but it could have been a much bigger…

February 1, 2023
The American Express Preview: Tom Kim and the Grand Slam

Last week was one of my best golf results in recent memory. I had a 6/6 single entry in contention all weekend. There is nothing quite like sweating a Matt Kuchar made cut then having him go on a run to remember on the weekend to finish top 10. It’s safe to say I put…

January 18, 2023
Houston Open Preview: Wise and Scheffler’s Quest

I’m slamming the Viagra for these golf slates. There’s no option. I just missed a min-cash on my single entry last week as a result of S.H. Kim performing a dick-gurgling routine on himself. Onto another horrific field. The new year cannot come quick enough for these golf events. S.H. and I both gurgling on…

November 9, 2022