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Wyndham Championship Preview: Webby and the Thrill
My single entry went 4/6. Denny McCarthy and I both gurgled our own fucking nutsacks all weekend. I’m not sure what was worse, him missing the cut or me playing Frittelli. The fact that he shot over par with the way the course played is an embarrassment to the sport. In other news, Cockrack is…
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Rocket Mortgage Classic Preview: Gurgling Down the Denny’s
This past week ended early for me. This time it wasn’t paint on the club it was “wrist soreness”. It might go without saying what that is from but I was hearing Bigdicki almost broke the record for times whacking it in a single day. That’ll leave anyone’s wrist fucked up so I completely understand.…
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3M Open Preview: Hadwin and the Pelter
I finally saw some green on Draftkings this past week. Holy shit it was a bad run. Let me first start by saying that Brooks Koepka should never have more than 0% ownership going forward. If there was ever a time for him to not act like a limp, dead penis it was this past…
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The Open Preview: Brooks and the Brain
I’m not sure how many weeks we are into this, but at what point do we assess whether it’s bad variance or a horrific process? I’m going to say it’s just bad variance. There is nothing worse than opening the app on Friday evening and seeing several lineups with 5 fucking MCs. The weekly tradition…
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Genesis Scottish Open Preview: The Joker and Positive Regression
Stanley Steamer made an entrance last weekend and took a fucking dump into Adam Hadwin’s open mouth. I don’t know what was worse between him missing the cut or me playing him at $10k and 20%+ ownership. I thought he was the best player in the field and I was clearly wrong. He fucking sucked…
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Travelers Championship Preview: Cantplay and the Scrubs
I’m not even sure where to start with the recap this week. Hovland had his sack repeatedly slapped with the flat side of a driver en route to a +7 missed cut. Fleetwood Mac looked like a fucking corpse for two straight days and matched that score. I don’t know that I’ve had a worse…
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U.S. Open Preview: Hovland and the Wandering Donkey
My nightmare came true this past week. Rory fucking won it. I also had to endure Brandon Wu withdrawing before the tournament began, absolutely dick dusting my single entry lineup. Then Hatton and Schwab took turns shitting on each other throughout Thursday and Friday. All things considered, it was a top 5 worst possible result.…
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RBC Canadian Open Preview: Shane the Brain and the PJ
I ended up getting completely fucked last week. I had a few lineups that were in the mix on Sunday, but I had way too much Bigdicki and Morikawa to profit. Who the fuck allowed Bigdicki to have that painted club in his bag? I don’t understand how that made it through the process and…
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The Memorial Tournament Preview: Cantplay’s Steele Pole
I thought I was in a great spot heading into the weekend with double the field on 6/6s in my tournament. I thought wrong. Cockrack became a sack of shit and Scheffler blew the lead. I had 100% Cockrack thinking he’d contend for the win but he could not overcome the brick that came out…
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Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Cockrack Defends the Throne
I got what I deserved by making Uncle Dustball Johnson the Cash God Guarantee last week. The guy forgot his Viagra at home and limp-dicked his way through two +3 rounds to miss the cut. I’m not sure what else I expected. Another massive disappointment was Daniel Berger. The Burgers were undercooked and everyone involved…
The Cash God 