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Week 1 NFL DFS Preview: Jet Blasts Off
We are fucking back. 2 games in and I’m already down 100%. I was parading around almost all week about not drafting anyone over the age of 26, even going as far as taking an early victory lap after Mark Andrews removed a rib and sucked his own dick on Thursday night. Then Barkley had…
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The Masters Preview: Iron Man and the Hits
GEOOOOOOORGIA. GEOOOOORGIA. GEOOOOOOORGIA ON MY MIIIIIIIIIND. I’m back and there’s not a fucking chance I’m passing up on a chance at a million this weekend. There are so many story lines this week and I’m jacking it like no other. I’ve barely recovered from last year when Zalatoris withdrew prior to taking a single swing,…
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2024 March Madness: Cash God’s Manifesto
We have once again arrived at the best time of the year. It’s the most dicks out 2 weeks of gambling. I finished the NFL season in complete shambles and am making my comeback into golf. My bracket last year was complete dogshit. There is no chance that happens again this year. My legacy is…
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NFL DFS Divisional Round Preview: Back to the Baker Well
I somehow went positive last week. It was the showdown slate that put me over the top. I was a Chase Edmonds touchdown away from winning a million on Monday night. One of these times variance will break my way. As they say, you never know when you will realize your EV. It’s time to…
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Week 17 NFL DFS Preview: Swift and the Chalk Guzzle
Last week was nearly a legacy week. I’m going to skip what happened on Sunday. The Monday slate was where my cock started creeping out of my shorts. Zamir White had the game of his life and I was a Pacheco injury away from a full blown helicopter. It’s time for week 17. My favorite…
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NFL DFS Week 14 Preview: Mixon Up a Batch
Last week was somehow good. I had Purdy and Deebo, but completely fucked up the running backs with Bijan and Warren. I’m not sure what was going o with Warren other than a self dick gurgling ceremony. Regardless, I had a good lineup and profited on the week. It’s been a bad year, so it…
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Week 13 NFL DFS Preview: Back to the Bijan Well
I thought I’d stumbled upon the nuts last week when I saw the fucking Gardner snake running in a touchdown and Pittman going wild. The snake cooled down and somehow only ended with 15. My dick was creeping out of my pants, somehow only culminating in a min cash. What the fuck. I’m seeing the…
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Week 12 NFL DFS Preview: Stevenson and the Gardner Snake Uncoiling
The Thanksgiving slate started off hot – it usually does. It went downhill quickly as the chalk slappies hit with Dak and Dallas defense. CMC took his cock out on national TV and my fate was sealed. I min cashed one lineup in the Milly, but that was it. The bankroll is totally fucked. Onto…
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Week 11 NFL DFS Preview: ASB and the Game Stack
I was at least cashing all day last week but then got the rug pulled at the last moment when the Chargers-Lions game went off. I’m so fucking tilted at the Jags offense. Holy fucking shit how do you get blasted that badly? When Aiyuk scored that first touchdown I was thinking I’d done it…
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Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Olave and the Squeaky Wheel
Last week was one of the all time best. Lamb scored the most points on the slate at 5% ownership. I was crotch chopping in the living room after the second TD and it only got better as the game went on. This is around the point in the season where the slate just flows…
The Cash God 