The Cash God

Tag: NFL

  • Week 17 NFL DFS Preview: Swift and the Chalk Guzzle

    Week 17 NFL DFS Preview: Swift and the Chalk Guzzle

    Last week was nearly a legacy week. I’m going to skip what happened on Sunday. The Monday slate was where my cock started creeping out of my shorts. Zamir White had the game of his life and I was a Pacheco injury away from a full blown helicopter. It’s time for week 17. My favorite…

  • Week 16 NFL Preview: Back to the JT Well

    Week 16 NFL Preview: Back to the JT Well

    Who the fuck thought it was ok to put this Saturday night game only on Peacock? If the first game had gone a little better for my lineup I would have considered paying for the sweat. Fucking Peacock. It’s time for the main slate. I don’t give a fuck what the game total is. It’s…

  • Week 15 NFL DFS Preview: Love Saves my Season

    Week 15 NFL DFS Preview: Love Saves my Season

    I got absolutely blasted last week and then blasted again on this Saturday slate. Things took a turn for the worse once Addison began his cock unveiling ceremony. I had a Mullens double, but the wrong 2. I’m onto Sunday. Just when I thought I was turning the corner on the year. I got behind…

  • NFL DFS Week 14 Preview: Mixon Up a Batch

    NFL DFS Week 14 Preview: Mixon Up a Batch

    Last week was somehow good. I had Purdy and Deebo, but completely fucked up the running backs with Bijan and Warren. I’m not sure what was going o with Warren other than a self dick gurgling ceremony. Regardless, I had a good lineup and profited on the week. It’s been a bad year, so it…

  • Week 13 NFL DFS Preview: Back to the Bijan Well

    Week 13 NFL DFS Preview: Back to the Bijan Well

    I thought I’d stumbled upon the nuts last week when I saw the fucking Gardner snake running in a touchdown and Pittman going wild. The snake cooled down and somehow only ended with 15. My dick was creeping out of my pants, somehow only culminating in a min cash. What the fuck. I’m seeing the…

  • Week 11 NFL DFS Preview: ASB and the Game Stack

    Week 11 NFL DFS Preview: ASB and the Game Stack

    I was at least cashing all day last week but then got the rug pulled at the last moment when the Chargers-Lions game went off. I’m so fucking tilted at the Jags offense. Holy fucking shit how do you get blasted that badly? When Aiyuk scored that first touchdown I was thinking I’d done it…

  • Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Aiyuk and the Bijan Well

    Week 10 NFL DFS Preview: Aiyuk and the Bijan Well

    Here I am, ready to whip it out again when Chris Olave scores his first TD of the game. I’m thinking I did it again with the CGG. He, along with Derek Carb, proceed to blow ass the rest of the game and I’m left holding my dick in my hand. The real plan should’ve…

  • Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Olave and the Squeaky Wheel

    Week 9 NFL DFS Preview: Olave and the Squeaky Wheel

    Last week was one of the all time best. Lamb scored the most points on the slate at 5% ownership. I was crotch chopping in the living room after the second TD and it only got better as the game went on. This is around the point in the season where the slate just flows…

  • Week 8 NFL DFS Preview: Bust Out the Lambo

    Week 8 NFL DFS Preview: Bust Out the Lambo

    It might be a surprise to hear, but I got completely blasted by the slate again last week. We are nearing the halfway point of the season and this is my worst run yet. I played Lamar, but that wasn’t enough to overcome the Aaron Jones dud and got completely fucking wiped. All I can…

  • Week 7 NFL DFS Preview: Jones’ Eruption

    Week 7 NFL DFS Preview: Jones’ Eruption

    My day was over long before Fields dislocated his cock or whatever happened last Sunday, but that was the nail in my coffin. I thought it was finally my week when Walker scored an early touchdown and Thielen was fucking blasting off, but it went the other direction very quickly. I’ve been on bad variance…