The Cash God

Tag: PGA

  • The Masters Preview: Iron Man and the Hits

    The Masters Preview: Iron Man and the Hits

    GEOOOOOOORGIA. GEOOOOORGIA. GEOOOOOOORGIA ON MY MIIIIIIIIIND. I’m back and there’s not a fucking chance I’m passing up on a chance at a million this weekend. There are so many story lines this week and I’m jacking it like no other. I’ve barely recovered from last year when Zalatoris withdrew prior to taking a single swing,…

  • Wyndham Championship Preview: Shane the Brain

    Wyndham Championship Preview: Shane the Brain

    It’s officially over for Justin Thomas. He gurgled his sack for the final time. Let the record show that I gave him one last chance this past week and he completely fucked me over. It sounds like he’s more worried about being on the Ryder Cup team than winning. The amount of double bogeys he’s…

  • 3M Open Preview: Cam Davis Saves My DK Account

    3M Open Preview: Cam Davis Saves My DK Account

    The Open was a complete fucking disaster. I haven’t been on this bad of a run in a long time. I have 42 cents left in my DraftKings account. I’m so fucked. Thankfully, Rory gurgled on his own cock once again, but my entry was swimming with the bots as a 3/6. I somehow landed…

  • The Open Preview: Spieth and Leeeeeeverage

    The Open Preview: Spieth and Leeeeeeverage

    Well well well we have arrived at the final major of the year. It seemed like just a few days ago when we were begging for anything in the worst fields of the year during the month of January. I’m going to get it out of the way early. This is an all-time Rory fade…

  • Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank

    Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank

    Cam Young, Adam Schenk, and Denny all brought their dicks out, and so did I. That field was so bad so it was difficult to watch any of it regardless of results. A familiar name graces the top of the field this week. One of these times my keyboard is getting snapped in half by…

  • John Deere Classic Preview: The Grand Slam Breakfast

    John Deere Classic Preview: The Grand Slam Breakfast

    I’m back after recovering from what was an absolute fucking disaster at the U.S. Open. I cashed 0 of my lineups as Homa missed the cut and the rest of my plays gurgled their own fucking dicks for 36-72 holes. I’m still so tilted. Good thing this John Deere Classic field isn’t one of the…

  • U.S. Open Preview: Homa and Iron Man to a Million

    U.S. Open Preview: Homa and Iron Man to a Million

    Adrian Meronk cost me another 6/6 this past week. I couldn’t bear to watch after I saw that he missed the cut by one fucking stroke. That tournament didn’t matter I’m already onto the U.S. Open. The only thing that brings me solace is that Rory did not end up winning. The sample of fading…

  • RBC Canadian Open Preview: Fitzmagic and the Second Coming of Jason

    RBC Canadian Open Preview: Fitzmagic and the Second Coming of Jason

    By now we have all heard the news and seen all the takes. The only rational take is that the PGA tour players got completely robbed and Jay Monahan folded like a card table. You almost feel bad for Rory. Almost. It doesn’t really matter what happened. The one thing that matters is that we…

  • The Memorial Tournament Preview: Thomas and the Big Bounce Back

    The Memorial Tournament Preview: Thomas and the Big Bounce Back

    This past week was a fucking disaster. I was swimming with the bots, taking almost last. Somehow Spieth, along with 3 others in my lineup, missed the cut. I need a win in the worst way this week. We begin the week with a tradition unlike any other. Clicking the button to exclude Rory. I…

  • Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Spieth and the Grand Slam Breakfast

    Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Spieth and the Grand Slam Breakfast

    It was early into the tournament when I could stop looking at my lineups this past week. Talor Gooch gurgled on his own Gooch, finishing +10. There is nothing more dejecting than the anticipation of a major only to be completely fucked on the first day or two like I have been in this PGA…