-
Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank
Cam Young, Adam Schenk, and Denny all brought their dicks out, and so did I. That field was so bad so it was difficult to watch any of it regardless of results. A familiar name graces the top of the field this week. One of these times my keyboard is getting snapped in half by…
-
John Deere Classic Preview: The Grand Slam Breakfast
I’m back after recovering from what was an absolute fucking disaster at the U.S. Open. I cashed 0 of my lineups as Homa missed the cut and the rest of my plays gurgled their own fucking dicks for 36-72 holes. I’m still so tilted. Good thing this John Deere Classic field isn’t one of the…
-
U.S. Open Preview: Homa and Iron Man to a Million
Adrian Meronk cost me another 6/6 this past week. I couldn’t bear to watch after I saw that he missed the cut by one fucking stroke. That tournament didn’t matter I’m already onto the U.S. Open. The only thing that brings me solace is that Rory did not end up winning. The sample of fading…
-
The Memorial Tournament Preview: Thomas and the Big Bounce Back
This past week was a fucking disaster. I was swimming with the bots, taking almost last. Somehow Spieth, along with 3 others in my lineup, missed the cut. I need a win in the worst way this week. We begin the week with a tradition unlike any other. Clicking the button to exclude Rory. I…
-
Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Spieth and the Grand Slam Breakfast
It was early into the tournament when I could stop looking at my lineups this past week. Talor Gooch gurgled on his own Gooch, finishing +10. There is nothing more dejecting than the anticipation of a major only to be completely fucked on the first day or two like I have been in this PGA…
-
PGA Championship Preview: Always Play the Hits
Holy shit I wasn’t sure if my bankroll would make it to another major. The past month and a half have been so fucking bad. I’ve lost every single week. What’s even more tilting is as I scroll through this week’s field I see a prominent name missing. Where the fuck is Jason Cockrack? That…
-
Valspar Championship Preview: Gurgling Down Another Denny’s Grand Slam
The unthinkable happened last week. I had a 6/6 that didn’t cash. Zalatoris had his worst day in the job. It would’ve been better had he just missed the cut and saved me any hope of cashing. The agony of opening the app on Sunday afternoon and seeing a 0 was overwhelming. I’m embarrassed to…
-
Arnold Palmer Invitational Preview: Fitzmagic and The Year of Rahm
I had my 3rd 6/6 single entry on the year last week. I ended up with Lowry, Pendick, Vegas, Jaegerbombs, S. Kim, and Hicock. I got lucky and dodged the Denny dick gurgling because I couldn’t fit him in with Pendick and Lowry, but liked him as a play going into the tournament. Kim had…
-
The Honda Classic Preview: Pendick and the Hits
Last week didn’t do my bankroll any favors. I already tweeted about it but I’ll say it again. One week without NFL has turned into a blank NBA lineup, a placeholder NBA lineup, and $25 lit on fire and flushed down a paint-jobbed toilet via the NASCAR Milly Maker. I am fiending for a win…
-
Genesis Invitational Preview: Bigdicki and the Well Water
I stopped looking at my lineup after the cut last week after having 4 players miss the cut. How the fuck is that even possible? It turns out variance does swing like a pendulum. Shane the fucking brain was a complete failure. Fleetwood, Jizzer, and Posten also inexplicably missed the cut. All in all, it…
The Cash God 