The Cash God

Tag: rory

  • Wyndham Championship Preview: Shane the Brain

    Wyndham Championship Preview: Shane the Brain

    It’s officially over for Justin Thomas. He gurgled his sack for the final time. Let the record show that I gave him one last chance this past week and he completely fucked me over. It sounds like he’s more worried about being on the Ryder Cup team than winning. The amount of double bogeys he’s…

  • 3M Open Preview: Cam Davis Saves My DK Account

    3M Open Preview: Cam Davis Saves My DK Account

    The Open was a complete fucking disaster. I haven’t been on this bad of a run in a long time. I have 42 cents left in my DraftKings account. I’m so fucked. Thankfully, Rory gurgled on his own cock once again, but my entry was swimming with the bots as a 3/6. I somehow landed…

  • The Open Preview: Spieth and Leeeeeeverage

    The Open Preview: Spieth and Leeeeeeverage

    Well well well we have arrived at the final major of the year. It seemed like just a few days ago when we were begging for anything in the worst fields of the year during the month of January. I’m going to get it out of the way early. This is an all-time Rory fade…

  • Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank

    Scottish Open Preview: Thomas the Tank

    Cam Young, Adam Schenk, and Denny all brought their dicks out, and so did I. That field was so bad so it was difficult to watch any of it regardless of results. A familiar name graces the top of the field this week. One of these times my keyboard is getting snapped in half by…

  • RBC Canadian Open Preview: Fitzmagic and the Second Coming of Jason

    RBC Canadian Open Preview: Fitzmagic and the Second Coming of Jason

    By now we have all heard the news and seen all the takes. The only rational take is that the PGA tour players got completely robbed and Jay Monahan folded like a card table. You almost feel bad for Rory. Almost. It doesn’t really matter what happened. The one thing that matters is that we…

  • Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Spieth and the Grand Slam Breakfast

    Charles Schwab Challenge Preview: Spieth and the Grand Slam Breakfast

    It was early into the tournament when I could stop looking at my lineups this past week. Talor Gooch gurgled on his own Gooch, finishing +10. There is nothing more dejecting than the anticipation of a major only to be completely fucked on the first day or two like I have been in this PGA…

  • Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Mitchell, the Well and the Geezer

    Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Mitchell, the Well and the Geezer

    Hank Ligbofa had the worst day at his job last week and it made me swim with the fucking bots all weekend. I could hardly look. This week, we begin with a tradition unlike any other. The clicking of the exclude button on Rory. It’s been good to me so far this year especially during…

  • RBC Heritage Preview: Shane the Brain and the Recurring Well

    RBC Heritage Preview: Shane the Brain and the Recurring Well

    My results last week were an absolute abomination. I went into the slate thinking it was mine to lose only to have Willy Z withdraw prior to the first round, eliminating over 50% of my lineups. Will I learn from this and not go so heavy on one golfer? No. Will I ever play Zalatoris…

  • Arnold Palmer Invitational Preview: Fitzmagic and The Year of Rahm

    Arnold Palmer Invitational Preview: Fitzmagic and The Year of Rahm

    I had my 3rd 6/6 single entry on the year last week. I ended up with Lowry, Pendick, Vegas, Jaegerbombs, S. Kim, and Hicock. I got lucky and dodged the Denny dick gurgling because I couldn’t fit him in with Pendick and Lowry, but liked him as a play going into the tournament. Kim had…

  • Fortinet Championship Preview: Hideki’s Steele Pole

    Fortinet Championship Preview: Hideki’s Steele Pole

    The PGA is back and holy shit this has to be one of the worst fields I’ve ever seen. When Taylor Pendrith is the 6th highest priced guy it’s clear what type of field we are working with. It’s extremely difficult to get your dick hard for anything like this, but there are GPPs to…