The Cash God

Tag: satire

  • AT&T Byron Nelson Preview: Power Hour

    AT&T Byron Nelson Preview: Power Hour

    Last week was bad, real bad. I tried to chase the golf losses with NBA slates and just ended up paying Jason Robins a few more dollars. I am the rake. Woodcock was a complete failure. I am almost convinced he should retire at this point. If he’s getting completely dick-dusted in tournaments like that,…

  • Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Sergio and the Jet

    Wells Fargo Championship Preview: Sergio and the Jet

    I had a great single-entry lineup outside of Kramer fucking Hickock. I couldn’t find a better play and the name just fit. I cashed though, finally. It was min-cash of course, but profit is profit. Rahm was absolute dicks out from start to finish. He somehow only won by one stroke, which seems low considering…

  • Mexico Open Preview: Na and Adam Long’s Python

    Mexico Open Preview: Na and Adam Long’s Python

    Power hour was dragged down by the sack of shit that is McDowell. Between that duo and the Weinereski-Uihlein combo missing the cut I had no chance at cashing. I tried to chase the losses with a few NBA slates and put together one of the worst lineups in the entire field. I ended up…

  • Zurich Classic Preview: Ghim Reaper and Cockrack’s Betrayal

    Zurich Classic Preview: Ghim Reaper and Cockrack’s Betrayal

    I got shit on again last week. Draftkings can’t keep getting away with it. Webby was just not good enough as the CGG and I somehow stumbled upon JJ Spaun at the last minute only to watch him become completely useless on the course. This week’s preview is a little late as I am processing…

  • RBC Heritage Preview: Webby and the Hits

    RBC Heritage Preview: Webby and the Hits

    I have said this a few times lately, but this last week was truly the worst one yet. I wake up to Paul Casey having already withdrawn. 25% of my lineups instantly fucked. That shitter was just there to take pictures with the grass or something because it was all smiles on Wednesday then he…

  • Valero Texas Open Preview: Hadwin and the Geezers

    Valero Texas Open Preview: Hadwin and the Geezers

    I don’t have anything to say about that last tournament. I got completely shit on. 0 lineups cashing. Noren was fucking terrible even though he didn’t have an opponent for one of his rounds. Paul Casey saw one drive out of Noren and decided he was fucking cooked so he withdrew. It simply comes down…

  • WCG Dell Technologies Match Play Preview: Shit Chest 2.0

    WCG Dell Technologies Match Play Preview: Shit Chest 2.0

    Sometimes you take a stand and lose. That happened to me in a big way this past week. Some say variance some say bad luck. Let’s just say going 100% Jason Cockrack did not end well. It seemed like he was one of the only golfers bogeying holes so I’m not sure what the fuck…

  • Valspar Championship Preview: Shit Weather and Redemption

    Valspar Championship Preview: Shit Weather and Redemption

    I woke up on Thursday morning to take a look at my lineups and the first thing I saw was the Hedicki WD. I was already tilting from Wednesday night when I somehow only entered 92 lineups in a contest that I wanted to enter 150. Holy shit. It got even worse when I confirmed…