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RBC Heritage Preview: Shane the Brain and the Recurring Well
My results last week were an absolute abomination. I went into the slate thinking it was mine to lose only to have Willy Z withdraw prior to the first round, eliminating over 50% of my lineups. Will I learn from this and not go so heavy on one golfer? No. Will I ever play Zalatoris…
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The Masters Preview: Cam Smith and the Return of Jason
GEOOOOOORGIAAAAAA GEOOOOORGIA GEOOOOORGIA ON MY MIIIIIIIND. The time has finally come. After treading through some absolutely ass shit fields and tournaments we have finally arrived at the first major of the year. I’m not even going to mention last week’s results. Ryan Fox let me down in the biggest way anyone has all year. I…
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Valero Texas Open Preview: Fox and the Geezers
I took the week off last week as a result of the match play setup. I don’t even want to think back on what happened in the tournament before match play. It was a fucking abysmal showing by me. Now we arrive at the final tune-up before the Masters. A field that is one of…
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Valspar Championship Preview: Gurgling Down Another Denny’s Grand Slam
The unthinkable happened last week. I had a 6/6 that didn’t cash. Zalatoris had his worst day in the job. It would’ve been better had he just missed the cut and saved me any hope of cashing. The agony of opening the app on Sunday afternoon and seeing a 0 was overwhelming. I’m embarrassed to…
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2023 March Madness: Cash God’s Manifesto
The best time of the year has rolled around once again. There is almost nothing, besides maybe week one of the NFL, that brings me to full mast quicker than the NCAA tournament. The single-elimination gauntlet. My bracket was all-time bad last year. I don’t know what the fuck happened, but it was in the…
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THE PLAYERS Championship Preview: Will the Thrill and the Cycle of Hits
Last week was a complete abomination. Here I was whipping my dick out and swinging it around after I see Rahm’s first round. Little did I know he would proceed to shit bricks for the rest of the tourney. My lineup was already dead when Byeong An withdrew with what they are describing as a…
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Arnold Palmer Invitational Preview: Fitzmagic and The Year of Rahm
I had my 3rd 6/6 single entry on the year last week. I ended up with Lowry, Pendick, Vegas, Jaegerbombs, S. Kim, and Hicock. I got lucky and dodged the Denny dick gurgling because I couldn’t fit him in with Pendick and Lowry, but liked him as a play going into the tournament. Kim had…
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The Honda Classic Preview: Pendick and the Hits
Last week didn’t do my bankroll any favors. I already tweeted about it but I’ll say it again. One week without NFL has turned into a blank NBA lineup, a placeholder NBA lineup, and $25 lit on fire and flushed down a paint-jobbed toilet via the NASCAR Milly Maker. I am fiending for a win…
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Genesis Invitational Preview: Bigdicki and the Well Water
I stopped looking at my lineup after the cut last week after having 4 players miss the cut. How the fuck is that even possible? It turns out variance does swing like a pendulum. Shane the fucking brain was a complete failure. Fleetwood, Jizzer, and Posten also inexplicably missed the cut. All in all, it…
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Super Bowl Sunday DFS Preview: The Kelce Fade 2.0
Normally in this first paragraph I talk about getting blasted by the slate and variance, but I’m going to put it simply. I’ve taken my cock out on the last 3 slates. These playoff slates have been the best 3 of the year for me and my DraftKings balance is at a 3-year high (non-deposit).…
The Cash God 