It’s Saturday. I’ll go over a few thoughts I have on the slate this week and provide Cash God Guarantee number 3.

I’ve read various things that say weather isn’t a factor unless the wind is supposed to be bad. The amount of wind in several of the games is supposed to be high-extremely high. I’m not going to go further into it because there is enough out there on that shit already. It’s just something to keep in mind when you have wrinkled penis elbow Drew Brees trying to throw the ball more than 5 yards.

For QBs it is a much tougher group than last week. I am likely going to try to stay away from Wrinkled Penis Elbow and the games with high wind in favor of guys like Ryan Tannehill, The Pornstar Whisperer (Jimmy G), and back to the well with Joe Burrow. I think you can play Russell Wilson but at that price tag it gets hard to compile a decent lineup without digging into the dust a bit. My favorite play this week initially was Derek Carr but the weather looks like ass shit so I am having second thoughts and may just stick with the Tanne, Pornstar Whisperer and Burrow trio.

Ok RBs. There appears to be a good amount of chalk here again this week. King Henry as a large favorite against a bad run defense that traded away one of their best defensive lineman? Lock him in, watch him drag his sack on the Bengals foreheads and call the doctor if your erection becomes permanent.

You can basically also click the lock button on Kareem Hunt. Oakland is shit against the run and the weather looks like it will be similar to the toilet moments after eating Chipotle. An interesting play this week is Dalvin Cook. Green Bay is horse ass against the run. The only worry is if the Vikings get down big and stop running.

A couple other RBs I like are Darrell Henderson (It doesn’t seem like he is getting enough attention against a bottom 5 run D), Melvin Gordon (Revenge game if Lindsay is out), and Le’Veon Bell (Revenge game). If you are looking to fade chalk I like fading Jamaal Williams. He barely paid off last week with a garbo TD late in the game. This week you are not really getting a discount and I think there’s a chance that Tree Trunk Legs AJ Dillon gets more work.

At WR there are multiple ways you can go as always. I’m keeping my QB pool fairly small this week so WR might be a bit narrow as well. I’m still ok with going Davante Adams or even Adam Thielen in that game despite the wind in that game. Minnesota has 0 corners left and Adams doesn’t really rely on deep targets. Other wide receivers I like are AJ Brown (instead of Sack Dragger as leverage), Tyler Boyd, AJ Green (Dustball has risen), Tee Higgins, Brandon Aiyuk, DK MetCalf, and ***maybe*** Holy Shit It’s Kendrick Bourne. Of course stack some guys with the QBs I mentioned above.

At TE I think I’m sticking with an extremely small group. Kittle, Waller, Irv Smith are probably my only three. The others are either ass shit, too expensive, or in a bad game environment. For example, I expect the Chiefs to absolutely dick blast the Jets. Someone has to score for that to happen but I could see some of those guys not playing much in the second half.

I know I said I would shut the fuck up about the weather and then proceeded to mention it in almost every paragraph, but I think it could make things interesting for picking a defense. The defenses I like this week are Chicago against Wrinkled Penis Elbow, Cleveland in the shit storm, Miami for the price vs Jared Goff, and the Colts.

Ok here we go. The Cash God Guarantee for Week 8. I really want to go back to the Burrow stack, or AJ Brown, but I’m going to go with Le’Veon Bell. I’ve been thinking about the revenge narrative all week and cannot get it out of my head. They are massive favorites and I think Bell will have the chance to score multiple touchdowns considering they have the highest team total on the slate.

I’ll be back on Tuesday or Wednesday with a Week 8 Recap. Good luck to all this week.

-CashGod-